Despite the passage of time, new links and distance, The first love remains in memory with a singular intensity. According to psychology, that memory is rooted due to the emotional and neuronal connections that are forged at the beginning of a decisive stage in affective life.
It is common for people to experience small Flashbacks or evocations of their first love, either for a moment, object or place that remites that person, or by the emotions lived or idealized in that link.
Ximena Fuentes, clinical and couple psychologist, explains that this memory is mainly due to the fact that this first experience is based more on learning than on feelings.
Being the first time that love is experienced, the brain records a high level of sensations that, subsequently, are sought to replicate in other emotional relationships, even if these are marked by the initial rupture.
For some people, neither time nor new relationships manage to overcome the emotions that surrounded at that stage of illusion, intensity and idealization. Not only the person is remembered, but also the way that love was lived.
Cristina Aguillón Solís, a neuroscience specialist at the National Autonomous University of Mexico (UNAM), cited by Numbers, indicates that the first love “arrows” to the hippocampus, a brain area located in the temporal lobe, key to memory and learning. This area is responsible for storing and recovering memories and sensations, and together with the limbic system – center of emotions -, keep the first affective experiences intensely.
“The first love is a very beautiful memory and works as a time machine, because it allows you to reflect on what you liked at 20 and what you now value at 30. It helps us define what we are looking for for the future,” says Aguillón.
For its part, Ximena Fuentes highlights that the first love is not necessarily the one that has been most wanted or in which it has been corresponded most, but that its relevance lies in the emotional lessons it leaves. This experience allows for exploring feelings such as love, jealousy and nostalgia for the first time.
From psychology and attachment theory, the first love can be difficult to forget for reasons that transcend the emotional. Some of them are:
According to neuroscience, the first love remains in the memories stored in the hippocampus, area of the brain associated with memory and emotions. (Free Press Photo: Shuttersock)
1. The first love is a formative experience
According to sources, this experience usually goes back to adolescence or early adulthood, periods in which the body, brain and emotions are in transformation. During that stage, emotions are lived with greater intensity and the brain is especially receptive to new experiences.
In this way, sharing the first kiss, the first caresses and even a break establishes an emotional precedent that influences future relationships.
It is also called “formative love”, because that couple becomes a key figure in affective learning and the construction of emotional maturity.
2. Activation of the attachment system
Another of the reasons that explain the Flashbacks associated with the first love is the activation of the attachment system that was established at the romantic level. This link is defined by the safety, the physical and emotional connection that was experienced with that first couple, to whom the affection is often delivered, without fear to be injured.
Ximena Fuentes, clinical psychologist, mentions the attachment theory formulated by John Bowlby and Mary Ainsworth, which argues that people develop an attachment to their first love for being the first manifestation of romantic affection they have lived. When this link is broken, anxiety and a feeling of loss difficult to overcome can be generated.
That is why, in moments of emotional distance with a new couple, or before the memory of a close relationship, the first love returns to memory. This figure represented the first romantic attachment and, in many cases, it was also the one who broke it, generating an unconscious fear of reviving that pain.
“The other becomes an attachment figure, similar to what happens with childhood caregivers, so separation can be lived as a significant form of loss,” says Fuentes.
3. Emotional imprint and memory
The early experiences in love are another of the reasons that make the first love indelible. Ximena Fuentes explains that, from neuropsychology, intense emotional experiences are consolidated with greater force in long -term memory, especially if they are accompanied by emotions such as euphoria, anxiety, desire or sadness.
This emotional revolution, characteristic of adolescence, meets all the conditions for that person to remain even more in the memory of the individual, since connections are created during moments of transformation, when the mind and emotions are found in the flower.
The first love is distinguished by being an idealized moment that, far from representing the best experience, constitutes a learning stage. (Free Press Photo: Shuttersock)
4. The reward system reminds an idealized love
Within the neuropsychological study, it has been determined that stimuli such as those generated by the reward system activate intense neurotransmitters such as dopamine and oxytocin. This teaches the brain that, by loving, you will receive hugs, signs of affection or details in response to the emotional bond.
“This reinforces the emotional connection and can make us remember that love in an idealized way, even many years later,” said Fuentes.
The psychologist also explained that the first love is usually more remembered because it is idealized. “That is, the first love is usually less realistic and more idealized, because there are still no previous experiences that help have more adjusted expectations to reality.”
This emotional value increases with nostalgia, since the brain interprets this experience as a “pure” or “authentic” relationship, although it has not necessarily been mature, emotionally stable, the best or the most lasting.
The memory of the first breakup
Among the most significant memories of the first love are the sensations left by the break.
Sources stressed that this is an integral part of the first love experience, since it affects the sense of attachment, breaks the initial learning about love and begins the experience of heartbreak or romantic loss.
“If the first love ends, especially if it was abrupt or painful, it can leave an emotional brand that is associated with loss and duel, affecting the way future relationships are configured,” the expert concluded.
In times of emotional distance with a new couple, or before the memory of a close relationship, the first love returns to memory. (Free Press Photo: Shuttersock)