The only thing I ask Jesus is that he does not hurt death, because I am not brave for pain. That he accompanied me at that time, but does not hurt, Pope Francis said in a 2019 interview, whose unpublished audios were recently revealed.
These are fragments of a conversation with the journalist Nelson Castro, published by the informative Telenoche, in which Francisco is deeply reflective about his life before the papacy.
In the audios the pontiff is heard to speak with crudeness and emotion about his farewell to Buenos Aires, his destiny in the Vatican and his most intimate fears against death.
He reported how his life was before being elected Pope: he already had everything prepared. I had been ahead of preparing the piece in the priestly home, in my neighborhood. A normal piece, like any cure. I already thought I would go to confess to Flores, I already had the plan done.
This described his intention to lead a simple and remote life from any major ecclesiastical projection, such as the papacy.
I was convinced that my priestly life was finished. The only thing I ask Jesus is that he does not hurt death, because I am not brave for pain. May I accompany me at that time, but that does not hurt, Francisco reiterated.
International media detailed that the Pope also shared memories of his last days in Buenos Aires before being elected pontiff.
They indicated that Pope Francis said that, before traveling to Rome, he went through the Nunciature and told the then Nuncio that he would return on Saturday before Palm Sunday. No Pope assumes in Holy Week, he joked at that time, oblivious to what fate had prepared.
In one of the published fragments, Francisco reflects on his native country, Argentina: missing? Do you know what not? No. Like having lived 76 years there … I always think of my country with sympathy, because I want it. But I don’t feel those desire to return.
Regarding whether he felt alone, the Pope replied: no, at all, I am not alone, although not accompanied as in Buenos Aires.
At the request of Pope Francis, those recordings were protected for years. They reveal the most human side of a spiritual leader who believed that his personal history had reached its end, not knowing that the world was still waiting for him to write one of the most significant chapters of his life.