What is bravery? Sometimes it is a feat, like facing up to climb a big mountain, and other times it is simpler, like daring to have a blood test when you are afraid of needles or giving up something that does not agree with your values. This is a value that is formed since childhood.
“There is no courage if it is not for good. Courage is the will to do the right thing, even if we are afraid, even if it hurts or even if it entails a risk or even a great loss. How then is courage applied to fear? Fear in human beings is not only suffering physical threats; sometimes it is losing what you love most, losing time, losing energy,” explains psychologist Jorge Cantero in a talk as part of BBVA’s Let’s Learn Together program.
Cantero makes a comparison and assures that bravery is not pulling out the sword and saying: “Yes.” No: “Bravery most of the time feels like a pit in your stomach where you close your eyes and say, ‘Oh, my God. Oh, I can’t say no.’ And something up here says, ‘It wouldn’t be a good idea for you to say no,’ because you’re going to create a bigger problem, because you’re going to let someone down, because you’re going to hurt someone, because you’re not going to allow yourself to go as far as you could,” the expert explains.
“Courage is the willingness to have a conversation with fear,” says Cantero. It can be cultivated, yes, but it requires effort, perseverance and every day choosing something that seems slightly uncomfortable or inconvenient and doing it or tolerating it. You have to tolerate it by breathing, being calm and building a relationship, he adds.
How is it possible to manage fear?
Byron Bran, specialist in human development and family education, explains that to understand courage it is necessary to recognize that this is a virtue. What is a virtue? It is an operational habit that leads you to do good. “Virtues are eminently educable habits. They usually do not go alone, they are accompanied by other virtues so that they function correctly,” he explains.
Courage is doing things despite fear. Fear is something natural in human beings, part of our constitution and genetic load, describes Bran.
From neuroscience, our brain is divided into three parts and one of them is the reptilian brain, which regulates instinct: breathing, hunger and thirst. There is also the survival instinct: running away from danger, defending yourself or hiding. Even the passion. Therefore, the fear is there, it is connatural. We’re never going to take it away, Bran comments.
So the question arises: how do brave people do it? “If courage is a virtue—an operational habit—it means that controlling fear is part of education,” Bran says.
For his part, Yesid Barrera, a business administrator with a postgraduate degree in Conciliation and Conflict Resolution, emphasizes that we have to understand that we come with a biology, with what we inherited from mom and dad. Human beings need development time to be able to expose themselves to many things.
Since studies such as those of Darwin, in the 19th century, fear is incorporated as a biological emotion. We are all afraid and without it we would do a lot of crazy things: we would jump off a building, we would constantly put ourselves in danger.
So, here the key relationship appears: courage requires fear. Courage would not exist if fear did not exist.
Fear is a natural emotion and has three immediate responses:
- The escape: run away or avoid the situation
In the work world we see this a lot: people who avoid meetings, who do not face the boss or even who “get sick” to avoid going to work. - The paralysis: freeze
Like when someone tries to assault you and you can’t react - The reaction: face the situation
This is where bravery comes in
Courage is a skill we build. We are not born with it. If that were the case, we would react from babies to any situation. But no: we cry as a natural response.
Habits are not formed by days, but by repetition. The brain learns by repeating, Barrera continues. “A key neurotransmitter comes in here: dopamine, which generates a feeling of well-being when you do something positive,” he adds.
For example, there are small actions that exercise courage, such as going to the gym, even if it is a difficult challenge, and gradually changing habits that are good for the body.
The amygdala (fear) and the hippocampus (memory) constantly interact. When a memory is activated, it can automatically trigger fear.
That is why it is important to work on neuroplasticity, the ability to change these patterns.
Barrera adds that there are different types of courage:
- Emotional courage: expressing what you feel
Here, in general, women have an advantage, because they express more - Moral courage: acting ethically
We are very confused here as a society.
There is the idea that “the living live off the fool,” and that normalizes incorrect behavior, says Barrera. But he describes that true moral courage is acting correctly, even when no one is watching.
For example:
- Return a lost item
- Act honestly
- Don’t take advantage of others
That’s what the world needs: “ethical courage,” he concludes.
You don’t always need to be brave
André Armas, neurocoach for life, well-being and emotional reengineering, invites us to define courage and how we face it in daily life.
“It is the ability to act firmly and decisively to achieve goals and face challenges, managing fear,” he says, but currently the key question is: why do we need to be brave?
In coaching, many people say they want to be better, more successful, more recognized. But when you ask them “why?”, that’s where the interesting part begins. The question is not only how to be brave, but what is behind the fear, says Armas.
Instead of forcing ourselves to “be brave,” we should ask ourselves:
What am I thinking?
What am I feeling?
How am I acting?
That is self-knowledge. Many times society conditions us: “If you are afraid, be brave.” But they don’t teach us to look at what happens inside, he shares. “If I don’t do that internal process, I just react. If I do, I understand my internal experience and act from another place,” he explains.
“Let’s think about a couple who are expecting a baby and receive the news that they will have a complex medical condition. The common reaction would be: ‘They have to be brave.’ But that ignores what they feel: fear, anxiety, uncertainty,” says Armas.
If you do not manage these emotions, your decisions will be conditioned by fear. If they manage them, they can accept the situation, live it more calmly and act with greater clarity, describes the neurocoach. There they do not need to “be brave”, but rather be present and aware.
The expert describes that we are evolving. Before we followed concepts: “I must be brave”; now the focus is: “I must know myself,” and this leads to inner freedom.
The key tools to do this introspection are:
- Meditation (self-inquiry)
- Display
- Affirmations
- Conscious breathing