“Being a mother does not limit us, it transforms us. It teaches us to love deeper, to fight harder and to dream bigger… for ourselves and for them,” says Odille Sánchez, creator of entrepreneurship and ecosystems.
In her experience as a mother, Sánchez explains, in an article she shared on her social networks, that before becoming a mother she believed that certain debates were part of a society that had already overcome them. “I thought that talking about “giving up your dreams to be a mother” was a topic of the past. However, since experiencing motherhood, she discovered that these conversations are still very present.”
The professional highlights that it is common to find topics such as “if you are a mother, you must put aside your personal and professional plans”, “if you develop professionally, you are being selfish with your children” or “if you decide to be a full-time mother, you are sacrificing your potential.” Although each of these positions may have valid arguments from different perspectives, what has been learned is that no one can define what is the “correct” way to experience motherhood, Sánchez explains.
The reality is that there is no single path. Each woman lives her own process and learns to balance her roles as she can and as she wants. This is one of Sánchez’s conclusions.
Where was the personal time?
Guatemalan psychologist Nissely Herrera says that, generationally, we have been led to believe that a mother’s job is to take care of everything and that, while you are doing that, there is no personal space.
“It seems that everything must be finished before you can rest, pause or have your own moment. And that makes everything more challenging, because such basic needs as breathing, having a hot coffee or taking a call are real, but they are constantly postponed. In addition, with access to social networks and so much information, another pressure also appears: not only what I am doing, but what what I am doing should look like,” adds Herrera.
“It takes a whole tribe to raise a child,” adds psychologist Herrera. She invites us to return to that idea: “it seems that the challenge is to do everything at the same time and do it alone. You should be able to study, develop professionally, raise with conscience, have an ideal relationship… everything. But the problem is believing that I have to do all of this alone. That is not sustainable or realistic,” she acknowledges.
So, rather than asking ourselves how to make room for everything, we also have to ask ourselves: who is there helping me? What is my support network? Who can I support myself with to be able to attend to other areas of my life? says Herrera.
The goal is also for mom to have her own spaces, says Herrera. It is important to let go of that mental load and allow ourselves moments just for ourselves: exercise, go out, rest, without having to take care of someone else at the same time, says the Guatemalan psychologist.
In Tedx, Paola Elizaga, mom entrepreneur, speaker and strategy expert explains that mothers have a number of pending tasks that never end, “I wasn’t the only one who had a day full of pending tasks, it’s called the invisible load,” she explains. “The World Health Organization recognizes that women have up to two hours less rest,” she adds.
Rest is a privilege for many women, especially in contexts where daily demands are very high. Sometimes, even stopping for a moment seems like a luxury, concludes Herrera.
Elizaga discovered three thieves of her time that she could control. The first was perfection and began to accept its reality; The second implemented delegation and recognized that before they had many hands with support from family and the close community; while the third was that he had limited his personal time.
“Women put ourselves in a place where it seems like we don’t exist and where it seems like every day, that’s how I started to let go and enjoy the time I had and for the first time I started to treat myself with love,” adds Elizaga.
For his part, the engineer Cecilio Baezain his book Facing the Mirror, twenty years later, describes the importance of having a life plan with the objective of preparing, reorienting and planning to fulfill one’s personal mission. “The life plan allows the person to fully satisfy themselves,” he says. The expert adds that the plan is a projection of events in time, the first thing to be clear about is recognizing what your vision of the future is, as well as your mission.
The ideal is to write down the objectives in each area of life, what you want to achieve, as well as define a strategy to achieve it. Baeza adds that progress must be monitored.
The blame
“Guilt is like a neighbor who comes often, sometimes without warning, and settles in,” says Herrera. When talking about it, he describes that this emotion reminds us of everything we could have done better: be more patient, cook better, spend more time.
But guilt also brings information. Learning to listen to her with compassion can greatly change the experience. “If it appears, for example, because we didn’t give the best food today, we can recognize it and also remind ourselves: today I did the best I could with the resources I had,” says the psychologist.
“Being a mother entails a wide range of emotions and responsibilities. Despite the unconditional love and care that mothers provide to their children, many of them face a particularly complex emotional challenge known as mom guilt,” mentions Daniela Díaz Flores, coordinator of the degree in Child Psychology at CETYS Universidad Campus Mexicali, in an article where she was consulted in 2023.
“This is a feeling that can affect mothers at different times in their lives and parenting. It can arise for various reasons, such as feeling that they are not dedicating enough time to their children, not being able to meet personal or social expectations, or when they face difficulties in reconciling their professional life and their family life,” pla professional gives as an example.
She added that mommy guilt is not exclusive to a particular group of women and should not be subject to judgment or stigma. Each mother has her own circumstances, challenges and limitations, so it is essential to avoid comparisons and recognize that all motherhood experiences are valid and deserve respect.
Psychologist Daniela Ortiz explains that no one is happy all the time. “It is normal to have moments of worry, anger or stress. It is not about eliminating them, but about balancing them.”
Ortiz suggests identifying the predominant emotions and analyzing their origin. “Sometimes what bothers us is not what they tell us, but how we interpret it,” he points out. In these cases, cultivating self-compassion, writing an emotional journal, or practicing deep breathing techniques can be helpful.